Self Evaluation

This is an older poem......

I’m controlling.

I want to know what you’re thinking

What your intentions are,

How you’re going to handle me and my emotions.

I’m intense.

I’m in your face

Demanding your thoughts

Gauging you’re reactions

But if you could get past that,

I could make you the happiest.

I would go to the ends of the ‘Verse for you.

Yes I like Firefly

And some anime,

But I won’t admit the latter to anyone.

I can walk for miles,

But good luck trying to get me to run,

Though I actually enjoy it.

I’m confused most of the time

And my thoughts are always scrambled

But only to you.

They make sense to me.

I’m independent.

I can walk myself,

Not in a straight line

But I don’t need to hold onto your arm.

I like working,

And hate the idea of playing the good housewife,

Although sometimes I think it would be fun.

I’m not a damsel,

But I’m always in distress.

I need you to help me up and brush me off,

Not to keep me from falling.

I like making mistakes.

That’s how I learn

Granted I may screw up a lot,

But I don’t regret it.

I see now that you’re scared.

You’re thinking of ways to get away,

Let me down gently.

I’m not oblivious,

Well, most of the time.

If you let me go, it’s for good.

Because if you can’t handle my spiel

I can guarantee you can’t handle me.

This is how I deal.

I lecture.

It’s the only way to get my feelings out

The only way that makes sense to me.

And if you can’t get that

Then I’ll find someone who can.

And if you still like me after this,

Then show me you like me.

I like boldness.

I want to know for sure you want me.

So kiss me,

Trust me, I won’t mind.

I may tell you about a couple of guys I think are cute,

But that’s to make you jealous.

More than likely I’m not really into them

Or they don’t exist.

I won’t sleep with you until the third month.

My record says otherwise,

But I’m trying to change that.

I love to have fun.

So if you’re planning a date,

Don’t take me to dinner at a restaurant,

Unless they serve burgers and show sports.

Even better, take me skating.

I’m impatient.

I don’t like waiting in lines

Or in traffic.

I don’t want to be touched all the time.

You should be confident enough to let me walk beside you.

Without holding your hand.

I love music.

From Irish folk to Michael Jackson,

From Bluegrass to Billy Idol,

Except for Reggae.

Seriously, that can die.

This is me,

As if you didn’t know.

Take it or leave it,

But don’t leave me guessing,

Because I have a short attention span

And I’ll move on.

I might have a hard time depending on who you are,

But I’ll do it.

I’ll do it with a smile on my face,

And a finger in your general direction.

Water Works

It’ll be fine

Remember there’s nothing wrong.

Just let it happen

There’s nothing going on.

Wanting comfort,

But knowing there is none to be had.

Just wanting to be held

It’s nothing that needs attention.

I wipe the tears

Blow my nose

And rise from my fetal position.

I’m better

Not knowing the reason

Why it started

Nor why it ended.

But it’s over, and that’s all that matters.

Never to spoken of

Never to be seen.

Ninja Skills

I’m on the edge

I’m afraid to fall.

I don’t show fear

For fear is only weakness.

I can’t afford weakness.

I move with stealth,

It’s a skill that not many possess.

I am a shinobi.

As I move along the edge of the cliff,

I realize my triumphs in life,

I also realize my failures.

I dwell on those failures to make me better,

But I know that dwelling with only slow me down.

My mission is almost complete.

I step around the giant puddle outside my door.

I’m determined not to get my shoes wet.

I’m almost done.

I jump the last part and head to the bathroom.

Mission accomplished.

I Will Conquer

Apparently there are only four different ways of learning. I’ve heard of many ways, such as flash cards, pictures, writing and rewriting notes; but it never occurred to me that they fall into four categories. As I took an assessment to see what learning style I possess I began with an air of disdain. How could a quiz be accurate? However I’m used to quizzes such as “Which Hot Male Celebrity Will You Marry?” or “Which House from Harry Potter Do You Belong In?” But in the middle I realized the difference in the quizzes and how this assessment is probably a legit one.

When the results came in, I learned that I can absorb information three out of the four ways, and that I can switch “modes” depending on which class I’m in. That night I took an inventory of my classes, and came to the conclusion that I do in fact change techniques. I am a visual, aural, and kinesthetic, meaning that I can learn via pictures, listening, and demonstration.

Most things come easy to me, I have come to admit, accept, and take advantage of this. If I have a difficult time with a subject, I can just work through it and get a decent grade. I have but only one true enemy. My arch foe is known by many names, more commonly however, it is called Chemistry. It has defeated me twice, and now that I am facing it a third time once can see why I have low confidence in that class. No, I’m not taking it for fun; it is for my major, unfortunately. But this year I am determined to defeat it, and now that I know what my strengths are, I will be able to crush the beast once and for all.

Just this morning in my dreaded class of evil, I decided to try a different method other than taking notes, which haven’t been helping. I watched, drew pictures, sample problems, and listened intently. I must say that was the most productive lesson that I have ever encountered. Better yet, when I looked at my notes later on, I still understood them. This class may have made a fool of me before, but never again. In the immortal words of Tim Allen in the movie Galaxy Quest, “Never give up, never surrender!”

Betrayal

Oh the pain!

Oh the agony!

The constant pressure,

The constant ache.

With every movement

I wince

With every touch

I jump

Oh sun!

Why must you bestow this upon me?

I put on the necessary amount of sunblock,

And yet,

And yet you burn me.

You scorch my sensitive skin

Leaving it red and irritated.

You betrayed me sun,

And though I cannot help but return to your light,

I will glare in your general direction

For I know if given the chance,

You would blind me.